leave the tree, but find your why

three years ago, andy brought home a real christmas tree that was cut unevenly at the trunk & it fell over in the tree stand over and over again. i fixed it a couple of times – but it fell over again, and i left it.

each time i looked at that Christmas tree, i thought about how fitting it was. barely decorated and falling over – it was SAD looking but it was such a perfect representation of that Christmas.

my first christmas without my mama was one of the hardest days i’ve experienced. christmas was always our thing – all of my siblings were grown with their own families. andy was usually on the river working, so christmas mornings were usually just the two of us & we didn’t mind. it was our thing. we always decorated for Christmas together & always spent christmas morning together. so the year she died, i wanted nothing to do with Christmas and definitely didn’t care to stand that ugly Christmas tree up again.

this year has been different. i am in my own little rental house with my own little family – mason, goose, and aspen. for the first time in a long time i feel whole again.

had i not walked through the storm of that very hard year, i would not feel the peace i do now.

had i not lost my mom, i would have never fallen in love with mason. i would have never moved away from kosciusko. i would have never met some of the most wonderful and influential people that i’ve grown to love over the past 2 years. i would have never gotten the opportunity to advance my career and find a job i love. i would have never took the leap of faith to step into ministry with my sister. i would have never gotten a testimony i can use to help others who are going through similar situations.

had i not experienced that very first, horrible Christmas without my mom, i would not know how special this Christmas is.

it would just be another Christmas.

if you’re walking through grief this year, i want to encourage you to feel it.

leave the tree.

don’t even have the tree, if you don’t want to.

celebrate Christmas for what it is instead. the celebration of a life that ended to save ours. the birth of a king who would rise from death and allow us an eternity without grief.

God is good all of the time. He plans things for what they are in a different dimension. there is an eternal purpose for EVERYTHING we go through in this life. do not let the enemy steal that perspective from you.

God did not “let this happen.”

while God is real, so is satan; and he is lurking in the distance waiting on the chance to snatch you up and make you believe that God hurt you.

if you’re in the same season of my 2020 – i pray that you allow yourself to find your 2022.

let yourself grieve, but do not stay there.

pick yourself up and let God handle the rest. He will show you your “why” in time.

trust that His plan is the best plan – even though it hurts right now – one day, on the other side of this world, it will make sense.

Merry Christmas everyone.

I love you all.

– Kristen