Lets read Philippians 2:16-30. I want to focus on one part of this one part. “I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon, that I also may be cheered when I receive news about you.  I have no one else like him, who will show genuine concern for your welfare.  For everyone looks out for their own interest , not those Jesus Christ.”  Philippians 2:19-21 I’m excited to send you Timothy. He’s a great guy, and I hope I’m as happy when he returns because I just know y’all have been good… but there really isn’t anybody better than this guy. He’s the real deal, something you don’t find much because unfortunately.. we as people only care about ourselves and our agenda.. and not what Jesus wants, not what Jesus says. My husband and I were laying in the bed talking about the book of Jonah last night. Most people know that Jonah was ate by a whale, but alot of people do not know why. God spoke to Jonah and told Jonah to go to this people and tell them what Jesus told him to. These people were some of the toughest people around then, and instead of doing what Jesus said, Jonah literally walked in the opposite direction, loaded himself up on a boat, and skipped out, running away from everything God had asked of him. I asked my husband how different did he think God’s communication with the old testament people was compared to His conversations with us? Like do you wonder how often does He ask something of us that we don’t know it? Or how often He asks something of us and we do hear?… but like Jonah, we keep walking. How different would our lives be if we didn’t. If we listened. If we heard. If we obeyed. I can say with complete confidence that if I had lived a life of complete obedience, if I had heard, if I had listened to every word given to me by the Father that I most certainly would not be living the life I call home. I’ve made mistakes. Wrong turns. I’ve ignored the truth and exchanged some of God’s guidance for my own plans, but we are a stubborn people. Like Jonah, we’re given instruction and we run in the opposite direction. Jonah ran once, but I’ve spent my entire life running. I grew up in a broken home where a new town meant a new start and it wasn’t until recently that I have found even a new name carries the same old soul. There are so many ways to get this one thing wrong. Sometimes we can’t let go of the past; sometimes we forget too much of it. Sometimes we try and run from our yesterdays; sometimes we let them run over us. ….and all of these are wrong. Remember enough about yesterday to make sure it’s not tomorrow. Remember nothing else. Jonah was scared, so Jonah chose Jonah. Jonah said ahhhh God probably not, I just think this will be better…because of his disobedience, he spent three days in the dark. I’ve sat in the dark for some of my mistakes too, and even now in the sun, a cloud will interrupt a brighter forecast to remind me of my wrongs. Jonah realized he had messed up and it wasn’t until Jonah accepted accountability that he was spat out. Then Jesus said now Jonah… go and do what I said. Y’all this time Jonah picked up his feets and went. “okay Jesus… I’m on it.” Sometimes you have to stumble through sin to step into purpose. Lord knows I would have never found the Lord had it not been for my error and His correction. Jonah was no different and  neither are you. “Indeed we felt like we had received the sentence of death. but this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead” 2 Corinthians 1:9 When you felt like you were dying, God did that on purpose. That we might rely not on ourselves but on God. Listen. Hear. Obey. God says I have this thing for you to do.. your thing is different from my thing, but you have a purpose. God will reveal this to you and it will be scary. You will feel inadequate or unqualified and y’all, those kinds of feelings are not of God and you will never do wrong trying to do right by Jesus. Ever. Paul said I’ve got this guy and you know why he is good? because he is not like every body else. Everybody else is running to themselves, and Timothy? He runs to Jesus. Not like everybody else. “Come out from them and be separate” 2 Corinthians 6:17 I think the thing I feared the most about being separate is it meant that I wouldn’t be the same. Now I look back on the person I was, how I hurt others- how I hurt myself, and I thank God I’m not. If you run the first time, don’t carry those mistakes around, only take with you what it taught you. Jesus came to heal the wounded, not the well. It’s okay that you’re not okay. He came to save and salvage and He has something just for you. Don’t let old stuffs and scary feelings keep you from stepping into who you are meant to be, into who God says you are. Lay it down, come out and be separate. Don’t be swallowed by the fish, be obedient and be saved. Father, I know there are so many people carrying around things they should have laid down long ago. The very things we run from, we forget to take out of our bags before we leave and it just follows us around. God, I pray that you would make your voice heard and your will known. Give those that need it the courage to step out of what is father, and into what should be. Keep them separate, Lord. Keep them safe. Thank you, God, for the opportunity to trust you more, Thank you, God, for you. Amen. xoxo, Katie

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When I feed all of my babies, it’s like an assembly line. A friend of mine laughed at me once at her son’s birthday party because I laid out five plates to travel down the snack line. A stack a little of this, some of that, maybe more of that for that someone and less for another- depending on who they are. I know what should be enough for them to be satisfied and so I give just that. The amount i think is right- just enough. I’ve had many conversations with people over the last year about my faith. One friend in particular asked me, “… but I mean, what’s enough? I say my prayers and I believe in Jesus. I do, but your like Christian-Christian. I couldn’t do what you do.” And y’all my heart broke. She didn’t know my life before Jesus, she only new me today. I has so much to share. I remember asking myself if I was doing enough for the Lord. I thought I was, but it’s not until I knew what I know now that I actually had no idea. If you’re wondering if you’re really saved you’re in the red zone. Did you make a decision to follow Christ based off of a powerful experience that one time? Or did that one time decision show your life power. Salvation isn’t showmanship. And there’s no such thing as the really christian Christian. You are.. you pretend to be.. or your not but unfortunately, only two of those matter. It comes down to saved or not saved. I wish I had known when I didn’t. The feeling of salvation just cannot be explained. What it’s like to have a real relationship, not just religion, with Jesus can not be explained. I do know, however what the Lord has laid on my heart over the last few weeks, and that I can explain. Test these things in your life. Not every one that says bedtime prayers every day is saved. “Not everyone who says to me Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven, but ONLY the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” Matthew 7:21 This passage goes on to say that when judgement day comes these people will cry out Lord, Lord… “and then I declare to them away, I never knew you.” Matthew 7:23 Not everyone that is in church every time the doors open is saved. “He said to them, “the scriptures declare, my temple will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a den of robbers” Matthew 21:13 “They claim to know God but their actions deny him. They are detestable, disobedient, and unfit for good things” Titus 10:26 “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of truth, no sacrifice for sin is left” Hebrews 10:26 There is a statistic that says 80% of the church is lost. 80%. This is only a few of many examples. And the most scary one, because it was such a reality in my life, and I’m sure many others is this: Not everyone that stands before the church after having said “the prayer” (y’all know which one) is saved. “The Lord says, “these people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught” Isaiah 29:13 Salvation is found only in Jesus Christ through true deep eternal repentance. Literally aching over your sin and shortcomings and so very badly wanting, NEEDING, to do better to please the Lord and demonstrate your love for Him in your life. “Yet now I am happy, not because you are sorry, but because your sorrow led to you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in anyway” 2 Corinthians 7:9 Y’all, the kind of sorry you have to be..hurts. It is the best, worst hurt you will ever experience and that is the easiest way I can tell you. It is painful and liberating all in one sweep. And you will never ask “I wonder if this is enough again.” You will know. There are three things you will come to know: Jesus is not a spare tire, Jesus is more than what Blessings He can give, and Jesus is not convenience, He’s covenant. You have to see Jesus, savor Him, and share Him and you will be so compelled to do all the above. “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:39-39 see that. “You and your promises are trustworthy and you have promised good things to your servants” 2 Samuel 7:28 Savor that. “Faith by itself, if it’s not accompanied by action, is dead.” James 2:17 Share it. Share Him at every opportunity. Make opportunity. Jesus said whosoever may believe in me must deny himself daily, pick up his cross, and follow me. If you’re only preparing a plate to satisfy what you think is enough, only providing certain doses of certain things on only a few plates in not enough places, it’s not enough. He gave you just the right amount of blood you needed to cover every last wrong you’ve done, all the wrong you will do. Love Him enough to portion the plate properly so that others may begin to serve that plate too. I love you all so very very much, #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood #GodTruthTeachMeGuidemeHopeitrustinYou #ChristLightInthewordMadeNewTrustUnfailingLovegracemercyshame #HiswillbrokenpiecesGodreligiontruthMessandmercy #religionreligiousGod

I let my kids stay home from school today. We’re still in our pajamas. We ate honey buns for breakfast. Call it irresponsible, maybe it is. There’s a million other things I need to be doing today as we prepare to move into our new home, but instead I gave horsey rides. I colored “in our bibles” (Gracie doesn’t understand the concept of a coloring book, it’s all bibles since that what her mom colors in). I gave “hairplane” rides and ate gummies instead of fruit. Today I filled my cup because the last several weeks I’ve let Satan steal at my soul. Y’all the mind is the devils biggest play ground. One tiny seed of doubt placed by Satan on the right day, at the exact right- already vulnerable time and then devil has won- in our marriages, in our homes, in our workplace, in ourselves. I would swear that Jesus tells my husband days before, “Hey man, could you put this little bug in Katie’s ear for me today? I’m going to talk to her about it, but you know how she can be sometimes.” I can see my husband as he nods in approval knowing exactly ‘how she can be’ and then acts in obedience. I’ve been busy with work, Tired and worn down emotionally and physically- as mom, as wife, and just so inadequate with my faith over the last (I’m ashamed to say) month. You know? All those things you are too because are there really enough hours in the day? I remember when it turned for me now, looking back but it wasn’t until a very serious sit down with my husband and two days later with Jesus that I fully understood why. The conversation went like this. “Do you not see the pattern, baby? You feel down on yourself over weight, you feel negatively about work, you feel like you’ve failed at your task as a wife, you feel like you fall short some days as a mother.” These are all things I feel in relation to the things I compare myself to. These are the things that the world tells me I am less than. These are the things I have let emotionally wear me down, making less time to be present in my calling. Making less time to be present with Jesus, even present with you. Satan knows. Satan knows your desire to have the family like hers. Satan knows that you want your house tucked away ever so neatly for company. Satan knows that your coffee has been minimal and so are your nerves. And so he waits. And waits. Until the time is perfectly imperfect and he plants a seed. If you are not very careful in your thinking, even while firm in your faith, that seed will grow too. What has life taught you about weeds in a flower bed? If you don’t pick them out, they will devour what it good, what is purposeful. And y’all it’s with tears in my eyes that I tell you that is a real thing. Satan rules the world, but Jesus chooses you- even when we lose sight of Him, live in opposition of Him, let darkness crowd Him out, He never loses claim to us. We are His. I’ve told you the bug from my husband; here’s the word from God. “Gather the elders and all of the inhabitants of the land to the house of the Lord YOUR God, and cry out to the Lord.” Joel 1:14 “The seed shrivels under the clods, the store houses are desolate; the granaries are torn down because the grain has dried up” Joel 1:17 To you that may look like some of that thoust and shan’t Old Testament scripture, but it was conviction for my heart. Satan planted a seed in me of inadequacy. It’s one of his favorites so it’s safe to assume that you too have let this grow in your life. Feelings of less than, the poison of comparison. What is torn down is because of what has been dried up. This is why it is absolutely necessary that we, every single day without fail and with fortitude, seek the kingdom. SPEND TIME WITH JESUS because you can be sure Satan is spending time with you and ladies you are MORE. When your faith is dry the destination is defeat. You will be torn down because Satan knows all of the right ways to tear you apart and Jesus cannot fight for those He does not know. KNOW Jesus, y’all. Don’t just read about Him or hear about Him or send prayers to Him. KNOW HIM. Come to me. Today, yesterday, tomorrow I am YOUR God. And her God and her God. I am personal to you, to her, to everyone who calls my name I am precisely anything and everything You need individually. Cry out to me. Cry. Leave the rehearsed and fancy words for a term paper, y’all. Jesus don’t care about your vocabulary; He cares about your heart. Give Him your emotions. Give Him your feelings. He wants rawness, He wants real. In the Old Testament times people tore their clothes as a sign of mourning. “Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the Lord your God. For he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in faithful love, and he relents from sending disaster” Joel 2:13 Here he said keep your clothes on girl, tear your heart up instead. I don’t want your clothes, I want YOU. Hearts bleed, baby. Let it pour, that’s it’s purpose. Spill it all at my feet, come back. Over and over and over, run back to me. I forgive you, I care for you, I’m not mad at you, I’m never out of love for you, and I only want what’s best for you- that will always be me. Today, I chose to not compare myself to any other mom. Today I chose to give Satan no seat. Jesus has the whole couch, I even gave Him a blanket in hopes that he would stay, but when he doesn’t? When I feel torn down again? I’ll know it’s a direct result of which seed in my garden I let dry up. It will be my fault, and so I’ll run back, not to all of the things I wish I were, but to the One that tells me I don’t have to be. Hugs and Blessings #ChristLightInthewordMadeNewTrustUnfailingLovegracemercyshame #GodTiredMercyAngerReligiousRevengeRest #GodTruthTeachMeGuidemeHopeitrustinYou #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood

“But God, that doesn’t feel fair.” I’ve said a thousand times, even when I’ve known better. “This is not you, God. This doesn’t align with you. Aren’t your promises bigger than heartbreak? Show me You, Lord.” And of course He did… but not how I anticipated. Jesus is justified. He does not do wrong. He does not know wrong. He does not choose wrong. He is just. His plan is just. His timing is just. I think sometimes I get so caught up in life that I forget all of this stuff we do everyday: the cleaning, the running, the endless loads of laundry, the job, the bills- there’s purpose there. Everyday. There’s purpose. And I find myself being ungrateful sometimes even more than I say thank you. This morning I woke up to a little girl hungry for Cheetos at 6AM and instead of being so very grateful that this little body with ten fingers and ten toes full of life stood in front of me healthly, though demanding, I chose to ask God for a better day than yesterday. “No baby, not chips for breakfast. God please let this day go smoother.” All in the same breath. She cried. I thought I might too. I keep finding myself in all of these tears. These almost irrational tears that just well up out of nowhere. You’re tired, you’re stressed, you’re worn down, maybe you’re hungry? Yes, I’ve literally cried for being hungry before- a 100hr work week will wear on you- but I find myself just sitting there in tears crying about this or that saying “this is not fair.” I’ll allow myself ten minutes and then I piece it back together. It’s fine. I’m fine. I have to work. Im mom. Im wife. I don’t have time for this. But Mama, you have to make time to break. Stopping piecing it together, moving forward in shambles, just making it with wreckage to your next mess and just fall. “And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a self indulgent mind to do what ought not be done” Romans 1:28 God gave them up means God hands it over. We ask God for all of these things. I need this to be easier, God. I need this to feel better, Lord. God, please- I need… and these feelings of insufficiency, of need, crowd us out. We let our feelings, rather than God’s design and command, be an overriding guide for our behavior. Self-indulgent feelings open a gateway for sin and result is always pain. It’s inevitable suffering and bottomless trauma because we could not wait, our feelings couldn’t be patient, on the things that God had planned. Instead, WE try and piece ourselves together, WE try to hold things up, WE try to pick our feet up, one in front of the other. We keep asking and asking and praying and praying lord I want, Lord I need.. and so He hands us over. The things you want most in this life will smother you if you let them. Even Jesus had to say God not my will, but yours. God if there could be any other way to save the world, let it be that instead. But there wasn’t. There was no other way. The cross was it. Jesus was it. Jesus is still it. Stop trying to make a way. Stop making these plans. Stop bringing prayer before you bring praise. Anytime we feel like God has set us aside, we have to know that it is most always because some action of our own has asked for us to be sat there- and so He did. I feel so ashamed sometimes, when I get outside the well kept borders of my faith. God lets me fall, but God also reaches for me. “You are called to belong to Jesus” Romans 1:6 That’s it. That’s all you HAVE to be. Take some of the pressure off yourself, girls. You don’t have to be the perfect wife, the home-room mom, the size 4. Just be His. See laundry for seven and don’t ask God for a way through it all- thank Him for the laughs those dirty clothes had that day. See a load of dishes and don’t huff because it doesn’t end- thank God your jobs are enough to feed your family without fail. You’re not hungry. When your baby girl asks for Cheetos, give in. Let her eat them and watch her face light up and thank God that she is here and alive and well because there was a time that losing her was a scary reality for you. And when it all gets to be too much, because it will sometimes, don’t you dare pull it together. Break. Fall. Let God reach for you. Let him put it back together: the wife, the mom, the full-time job, the home. Not in your own self-indulged way, but His way. It may not always feel fair, but it will always be right. “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11 Thank you, God, for my life, for its entirety, all of it- for its purpose. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know where it is going, but I know where it started and that’s enough. You’re enough. I give you everything, all of it, trusting you will make of it, of me, something beautiful. Reign over me Jesus. Take all of me and leave only You. Thank you God for everything, thank you, God, for you. Amen Katie #ChristLightInthewordMadeNewTrustUnfailingLovegracemercyshame #GodTruthTeachMeGuidemeHopeitrustinYou #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood

“I never want to be the girl that makes the other girl feel bad. Gosh, I am so glad I don’t act like that to people.” I let that thought roll through my head while participating in a conversation that probably was not going to reciprocate anything positive for that day. “My thoughts were justified. That was bad behavior. They should be ashamed, but I know they’re not.” Not seconds after that I got a thump from the good Lord. *autocorrect had changed good from hood which may be more appropriate considering it was a hard thump and surely my gentle Jesus wouldn’t do such* BUT this voice, it said.. “and who are you exactly?” Oh. Wait. Let’s be honest, for every two girls we envy there’s at least one we’re glad we aren’t, yes or no? Don’t answer, I don’t want you to be thumped also. This scripture came to mind immediately: “I say to every one of you: do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement in accordance to the faith God has distributed to each of you.” Romans 12:3 My thoughts in that situation, as well as many other thoughts I’ve had, we’re in complete opposition of the very truths I share with all of you. Now my grandmother always said “if you think it you may as well say it,” but I can’t be completely certain that her philosophy is completely biblically sound… but I do know that scripture says it doesn’t matter how clean your shirt is if the heart that holds it in place is dirty. “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart” 1 Samuel 16:7 That made my heart sorry, not for those girls this time, but for myself. Y’all, I am not perfect. We aren’t. When did it become okay to wrap our concerns around the imperfections in the lives of others so tightly that our own sin seeps through judgement’s seams? I am so quick to judge. SO QUICK and though I may go against what my Gracie said and keep them to myself, does that matter? Aren’t your floors still dirty even if the dust is confined to only under the rug? As people, we’ve placed all these sins in different categories: bad sin, mediocre sin, and acceptable sin. While biblical theology does leave it’s students to believe that some sin is greater than others, the Bible itself brings a bigger message: that we are a broken people incapable of fixing ourselves, that the one and the only perfect person died to bleed over the things you cannot fix for yourself, and that it takes the same amount of blood to heal us all- not too little, not too much, but just enough. We do not set the standard, y’all, but somehow the standard has set us. Society has set us to believe that sex before marriage isn’t as bad as pregnancy out of wed lock. Society has set us to believe that things like addiction, infidelity, dishonesty, and family disunion are all result from heinous dysfunction, but the people that pick apart the lives of those already picked over with gossip or critism aren’t. Society has lead us to believe a lot, y’all. But we don’t set the standard. We will, however, be judged by it. We can’t obey so long as it suites our lifestyle. Partial obedience is complete disobedience. and so my heart was sorry. Jeremiah 24 says I will watch over them for their good and I will bring them back. I will build them up and not tear them down; I will plant them and not uproot them, but John 15 says Jesus is the ultimate Gardener. He will cut off every branch that does not bear fruit and even the branches that have fruit he will prune back so they will be more fruitful. We are purposefully planted by the kingdom, but even in Christ our branches get sideways. It’s not news to me that Jesus wants to cut back the rotten pieces of me that bring no good, but here He says even your good stuff I have to cut on. His provision has to be greater so we can be stronger, grow straighter, be more. What began as conversation and criticism for me, ended with branch cutting conviction. Jesus reminded me “and who are you?” And I’m certainly no judge. None of us are. Not for the people we like and not for the people we don’t. “And now dear Lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I asked that we love one another. And this is Love: that we walk in obedience to his command. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love” 2 John 1:5-6 We are obligated to love- a jesus love. Commanded. Demanded. Unjudgemental. Undeserved. Merciful Love. This is Jesus and Jesus in you; not optional but necessary. He demands love for everyone, not just the ones that get it all right because that then means love for no one- not even myself. Hugs, Katie #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood #messandmercythegreatiamgodis #religionreligiousGod #Messandmercy

I lost my necklace, I couldn’t retrace my steps because I didn’t know how long it had been missing. Because I never took it off, I didn’t have to actively put it on. The gold statement piece had become just a piece and less a statement. Some two weeks later, I find it gracefully curled up on the marble of my bathroom floor; I guess it had been sitting there the whole time.. just waiting for me to pick it back up, like I left it there on purpose. I guess I kind of did, though, in a not really kind-of way. When I’ve had a bad day, I run to the bathtub. I try to pull everything from that day off as quick as I can, ready to wash away a day of messes. I must have accidentally thrown the necklace off too, all piled up with my clothes and my sub-par attitude. I didn’t even know it was missing until I really needed it again. There have been times in my walk with the Lord that have been just that. Somewhere along the way I sat Him down on accident only to find myself without His presence when I needed it. Wait. When did that even happen, Katie? Don’t you hate when someone asks you “Well where’d you lose it at? Where did you sit it down?” I’ve been busy. Busy chasing my toddlers. Busy doing laundry for seven. Busy working two jobs with crazy hours. Busy trying to diet. Busy trying to be my half of the partnership in my marriage. Busy trying to plan things and people I have no control over. Busy planning a plan for when those things don’t go according to plan. And so I’ve been reading my bible, saying all my prayers, and doing all of this stuff and the stuff crowded out my spirits, THE spirit. Does anyone else do that?? Just let life run all over you? The enemy feels like he has really big feet sometimes, don’t he? But things aren’t how they feel. It’s always what they are. You may feel 50lbs heavier today because of your big lunch, but you’re not. You may feel like the kids ate your soul today- they didn’t. You may feel like her life is so much more perfect than yours- it’s not. Today may have felt like it was the end of the world, but it wasn’t. This is why Satan feeds off feelings. Let me distract her a little more today than yesterday. Let break her down a little more, kick her a little harder so she is so distracted by what she feels over who she is. Satan works off feelings, God builds on truth. God says I chose you. (John 15:16) God says you are more precious than jewels. (Proverbs 3:15 God says he is close to you (Jeremiah 23:23) God says he’s even closer when we draw close (James 4:8) And God says I’m ahead of you, making a way for you. (Colossians 1:17) He picked you, perfected you, stands beside you, draws even closer to you, and he’s even cleared the way. He’s made a way to the coffee pot through the laundry, he’s made the way through the work day and the sick babies with snotty noses. He’s made a way through your feelings of inadequacy and brokenness. He’s made a way for your marriage. He’s made a way for you- to him- with him in the kingdom. Don’t let your feelings stand in the way of Jesus. Don’t make Him just a piece. When we approach Jesus unintentionally He has great potential to become unnoticed. I didn’t know my necklace was missing until I reached up to grab it and it wasn’t there. It didn’t require a conscious effort everyday to put it on. But Jesus does. If not, He will be no different than the necklace. In a world that attacks our weaknesses in what sometimes feels like an unending supply, we must also deliberately and intentionally prepare retaliation against feelings that aren’t, for truths that are. Jesus is always the statement, Satan is just a piece to run interference, and you are in control of both by what you choose to be attentive to. Life is busy and so are you, but it’s never too busy. Make a point to make purposeful time. Hugs Katie #messandmercyblogmessandmercyjesusbusy

As I sit in my living room floor, watching the weather from my bay doors, sick babies in arms, I’ve watched this transition over the last hour. Dark to light, misted showers to empty clouds, leaves that were so intact and sure of their places that, with just a small gust of wind, fall in spirals to the ground. I’m now several weeks behind speaking with you ladies because my heart has been much like the weather. I’ve had bright days that have felt fine, and dark ones that have felt hopeless. I’ve experienced fullness, but more than that just the driest cup, and to be so sure of the things I stand for, the One really, I have let this world blow me all over the place, taking pieces of me and loads of my emotions with it. “She has not acknowledged that I was the one who gave her the grain, the new wine and oil, who lavished her with silver and gold, that she turned and gave to idols” Hosea 2:8 I am provided for. I am loved. I am never alone… And I am as full as I allow myself to be. Last night I sat on the bar in my kitchen and I cried the ugliest tears while I made dinner for my beautiful family. My husband interceded, as he always does, and said “Katie, baby, people are going to be people (assuming he knew what was wrong), you just have to keep being you.” And for the first time in wasnt people I was disappointed in. It was myself. I know what the world is; I’ve made peace with that- I also thought I knew who I was and somehow I let the world take it from me. I have trusted fear over faith, my own provision over Gods, and it has lead me to sleep with the enemy instead of resting my head at home. Daniel 2 says he changes times and seasons, gets rid of something’s and builds others up- he reveals deep and hidden things and he knows what lies in the dark, but he also knows the light lives within him. God created this world for light and dark, for foggy rain and for periods of clarity. We were meant to be full some days and poured out others- but we were not meant to be thrown around by the wind, by the world. God created the leaves to fall, not you babe. You- he builds up. You- he protects. You- he loves. You- he provides for. He said I know what’s in the dark, but you know me. I dont know what your darkness is, or what has your cup drained this week but I know what God has revealed to me through Hosea, through Daniel, and through Paul in Philippians. Things are changing, but I am in control of that change. You will try and fix things yourself, deal with them yourself, manipulate them yourself- you will find yourself away from me in these seasons, but I will provide you with the food and warmth you need while you are away- even though you are unfaithful to me, I will never stop doing good for you. I will fight for you in you- it is for good. Faith is strong enough to conquer the world most days, but today faith feels like placing an empty cup under a faucet of truths and praying with confidence that He will fill me back up. Be good, do good in the shadows and in the sun and be grateful in both. The only thing that stays the same is change; the only thing that keeps us well is perspective. “Katie, you’re only human, baby. You’re not perfect, I’m sorry” he told me last night wiping my masacara stained cheeks. And I’m not, neither are you- but the second best thing I’ve ever learned is Jesus uses the broken that you are, what you have left to give… to create in you a heart like him… the first? even when you’re not perfect, He saves you as blameless. Better late than never Xoxo Katie #GodTiredMercyAngerReligiousRevengeRest #GodTruthTeachMeGuidemeHopeitrustinYou #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood #messandmercythegreatiamgodis

Today is my anniversary. Gosh, it’s been my favorite kind of chaos. One Sunday, two days before today, I came home from work. It had been an exhausting day- not the ‘my feet hurt because I’m a nurse working 12s’ kind of exhausted, but the tugg of feeling both immense joy but often disrupted by immense frustration and hurt kind of exhausting. Now, I’d like to call it circumstances, but then, I wasn’t so sure. September of last year, I was right in the middle of one of the darkest seasons of my life. It was a constant turmoil- always something else being said or done, pushed around by this or that, and limited, my boyfriend was doing all he could to keep my head above water. He talked me into coming to his house that night instead of going home to wash off all I could of that day’s stress and the empty and unnecessary conversation I had just before. He knew how tired I was, just tired of being tired. I walked in to a dark foyer, my eyes still wet with tears and dripping mascara to find him down on one knee. He apologized. He said Katie, I’m sorry, this is all I have, but please. I am so tired of watching other people destroy what I already know is mine. Will you marry me so I can protect you now and forever. I promise you will never hurt like this again. I love you so much. And he slipped a black pony tail on the never-more-grateful ring finger of my left hand. And what that man did not provide in diamonds, He certainly made up for in intentionality. What he saw as nothing, felt to me like everything. Two days later, I called my Mom. I said I’m getting married today, Mama. Tonight, actually. She said, baby don’t wear black. I glanced at the bathroom door to my left and smiled at the black cocktail dress waiting to hold me as I stepped into this next season and just said “Mama, I’m okay.” That night at 10:10P.M., my husband and I signed our marriage licenses in a down town Memphis, Tennessee starbucks. Afterwards, we took a trip to the museum near by and made our promises to one another in front of a female Pentecostal preacher. She was carrying a knife in her Bible and spat 1st Corinthians 13 faster than busta spit rhymes. We laugh over and over at this adventure. Poorly lit areas of downtown Memphis are obviously not the safest places to hold a make-shift ceremony, but I’ll tell you- that night was the second safest time of my life, the first to come only a few months after those Memphis steps when Jesus rescued me from myself. I tell you all of this to emphasize only a few little, big things: I had cycled through the big church wedding. I had “the big proposal”, the full-of-rose bouquet, and the extravagant honeymoon. I wore the white dress once. A wedding is not meant to be a perfect day, but a promise to an unperfect person. I wore white once; I noticed every stain. Mama said, “A wedding is not a funeral Katie; black is bad luck” You’d have to know my mom- it actually sounded more like a song.. “Kaayyyttiiieeee, baby no, not black” I wore black this time anyway. It was a funeral in a way. A lot died that night at 10:10 at that Starbucks table. “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:9-12 I’ve heard it told that marriage is hard. For years and years my elders said marriage is tough, so naturally I wasn’t surprised when it was. It wasnt until my, now, husband taught me what marriage really was that I realized what marriage wasn’t. Marriage is not hard at all; Marriage is work. You have to be intentional with your love. It’s a service. See the bad things as what they are and snuggle down with the good things because those are the things that keep your heart warm. Love your spouse in a way that chooses her over everything else; choose her even over you. Put her first, look out for her first. Do not become complacement in your feelings for her. Kiss her long everyday- the kind of kiss you feel in your toes even after a year(s) of marriage- not just before work and before bed. Make love a life and not a routine. The last thing is the first priority. Love the Lord. Let Him show you how to be hopeful when it feels hopeless and patient while you wait. And faithfully pause your pride and watch him show out everyday that you’ve had a hard time showing up. I wore the black dress. I let the fairytale of Cinderella’s gold plated pumpkin go. The movie Pretty Woman has always been my favorite ending anyway. Not castles and kingdoms, but just a man willing to climb whatever to rescue me. I told myself that I couldn’t do it alone. I didn’t want to be the girl that could take care of herself anymore. I wanted someone to help me. Someone devoted to choosing me. I needed someone to give me 80% on the days I only had 20 left, and when he only has 10%? I’ll bring the 90. I didn’t want a white dress this time around. The one that holds on to every time some one dropped something, something that remembers everything that didn’t go all well-approximated and clean. I wanted the black one, the one that didn’t remind me of the bad things, but instead complimented the unevenness enough that I could be confident to know that even though I’m aware of imperfections, everything else is lovely. And lovely is more. I wore the black dress. It complemented my new black pony tail, and my heart has been so full ever since because I knew that when that man, bent onto his knee on those wooden floors that night, said I just want to protect what is mine- he meant it. He’s shown up every day since. Girls- I hope your hair is big, your bouquet beautiful and your dress perfect, but please remember nothing white ever stays perfectly clean. If you don’t want stains, it doesn’t have to be hard, but it does have to be work. And for me? I would never trade anything for my ponytail propsal signed and sealed for forever with the funniest memories and the sweet smell of coffee. Xoxo, #marriageblessingsmessandmercymessandmercyblogichooseyouselfless #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood

Today is my anniversary. Gosh, it’s been my favorite kind of chaos. One Sunday, two days before today, I came home from work. It had been an exhausting day- not the ‘my feet hurt because I’m a nurse working 12s’ kind of exhausted, but the tugg of feeling both immense joy but often disrupted by immense frustration and hurt kind of exhausting. Now, I’d like to call it circumstances, but then, I wasn’t so sure. September of last year, I was right in the middle of one of the darkest seasons of my life. It was a constant turmoil- always something else being said or done, pushed around by this or that, and limited, my boyfriend was doing all he could to keep my head above water. He talked me into coming to his house that night instead of going home to wash off all I could of that day’s stress and the empty and unnecessary conversation I had just before. He knew how tired I was, just tired of being tired. I walked in to a dark foyer, my eyes still wet with tears and dripping mascara to find him down on one knee. He apologized. He said Katie, I’m sorry, this is all I have, but please. I am so tired of watching other people destroy what I already know is mine. Will you marry me so I can protect you now and forever. I promise you will never hurt like this again. I love you so much. And he slipped a black pony tail on the never-more-grateful ring finger of my left hand. And what that man did not provide in diamonds, He certainly made up for in intentionality. What he saw as nothing, felt to me like everything. Two days later, I called my Mom. I said I’m getting married today, Mama. Tonight, actually. She said, baby don’t wear black. I glanced at the bathroom door to my left and smiled at the black cocktail dress waiting to hold me as I stepped into this next season and just said “Mama, I’m okay.” That night at 10:10P.M., my husband and I signed our marriage licenses in a down town Memphis, Tennessee starbucks. Afterwards, we took a trip to the museum near by and made our promises to one another in front of a female Pentecostal preacher. She was carrying a knife in her Bible and spat 1st Corinthians 13 faster than busta spit rhymes. We laugh over and over at this adventure. Poorly lit areas of downtown Memphis are obviously not the safest places to hold a make-shift ceremony, but I’ll tell you- that night was the second safest time of my life, the first to come only a few months after those Memphis steps when Jesus rescued me from myself. I tell you all of this to emphasize only a few little, big things: I had cycled through the big church wedding. I had “the big proposal”, the full-of-rose bouquet, and the extravagant honeymoon. I wore the white dress once. A wedding is not meant to be a perfect day, but a promise to an unperfect person. I wore white once; I noticed every stain. Mama said, “A wedding is not a funeral Katie; black is bad luck” You’d have to know my mom- it actually sounded more like a song.. “Kaayyyttiiieeee, baby no, not black” I wore black this time anyway. It was a funeral in a way. A lot died that night at 10:10 at that Starbucks table. “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:9-12 I’ve heard it told that marriage is hard. For years and years my elders said marriage is tough, so naturally I wasn’t surprised when it was. It wasnt until my, now, husband taught me what marriage really was that I realized what marriage wasn’t. Marriage is not hard at all; Marriage is work. You have to be intentional with your love. It’s a service. See the bad things as what they are and snuggle down with the good things because those are the things that keep your heart warm. Love your spouse in a way that chooses her over everything else; choose her even over you. Put her first, look out for her first. Do not become complacement in your feelings for her. Kiss her long everyday- the kind of kiss you feel in your toes even after a year(s) of marriage- not just before work and before bed. Make love a life and not a routine. The last thing is the first priority. Love the Lord. Let Him show you how to be hopeful when it feels hopeless and patient while you wait. And faithfully pause your pride and watch him show out everyday that you’ve had a hard time showing up. I wore the black dress. I let the fairytale of Cinderella’s gold plated pumpkin go. The movie Pretty Woman has always been my favorite ending anyway. Not castles and kingdoms, but just a man willing to climb whatever to rescue me. I told myself that I couldn’t do it alone. I didn’t want to be the girl that could take care of herself anymore. I wanted someone to help me. Someone devoted to choosing me. I needed someone to give me 80% on the days I only had 20 left, and when he only has 10%? I’ll bring the 90. I didn’t want a white dress this time around. The one that holds on to every time some one dropped something, something that remembers everything that didn’t go all well-approximated and clean. I wanted the black one, the one that didn’t remind me of the bad things, but instead complimented the unevenness enough that I could be confident to know that even though I’m aware of imperfections, everything else is lovely. And lovely is more. I wore the black dress. It complemented my new black pony tail, and my heart has been so full ever since because I knew that when that man, bent onto his knee on those wooden floors that night, said I just want to protect what is mine- he meant it. He’s shown up every day since. Girls- I hope your hair is big, your bouquet beautiful and your dress perfect, but please remember nothing white ever stays perfectly clean. If you don’t want stains, it doesn’t have to be hard, but it does have to be work. And for me? I would never trade anything for my ponytail propsal signed and sealed for forever with the funniest memories and the sweet smell of coffee. Xoxo, #marriageblessingsmessandmercymessandmercyblogichooseyouselfless #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood

My heart! Very beautifully written. Such a humble explanation of why people are disappointed in Christianity and Christ after they’ve hit there first “bump” in the road with Jesus by their side. Blessings in their greatest beauty doesn’t have to mean sunshine, just saved. That’s enough for me!