three years ago, andy brought home a real christmas tree that was cut unevenly at the trunk & it fell over in the tree stand over and over again. i fixed it a couple of times – but it fell over again, and i left it. each time i looked at that Christmas tree, i thought about how fitting it was. barely decorated and falling over – it was SAD looking but it was such a perfect representation of that Christmas. my first christmas without my mama was one of the hardest days i’ve experienced. christmas was always our thing – all of my siblings were grown with their own families. andy was usually on the river working, so christmas mornings were usually just the two of us & we didn’t mind. it was our thing. we always decorated for Christmas together & always spent christmas morning together. so the year she died, i wanted nothing to do with Christmas and definitely didn’t care to stand that ugly Christmas tree up again. this year has been different. i am in my own little rental house with my own little family – mason, goose, and aspen. for the first time in a long time i feel whole again. had i not walked through the storm of that very hard year, i would not feel the peace i do now. had i not lost my mom, i would have never fallen in love with mason. i would have never moved away from kosciusko. i would have never met some of the most wonderful and influential people that i’ve grown to love over the past 2 years. i would have never gotten the opportunity to advance my career and find a job i love. i would have never took the leap of faith to step into ministry with my sister. i would have never gotten a testimony i can use to help others who are going through similar situations. had i not experienced that very first, horrible Christmas without my mom, i would not know how special this Christmas is. it would just be another Christmas. if you’re walking through grief this year, i want to encourage you to feel it. leave the tree. don’t even have the tree, if you don’t want to. celebrate Christmas for what it is instead. the celebration of a life that ended to save ours. the birth of a king who would rise from death and allow us an eternity without grief. God is good all of the time. He plans things for what they are in a different dimension. there is an eternal purpose for EVERYTHING we go through in this life. do not let the enemy steal that perspective from you. God did not “let this happen.” while God is real, so is satan; and he is lurking in the distance waiting on the chance to snatch you up and make you believe that God hurt you. if you’re in the same season of my 2020 – i pray that you allow yourself to find your 2022. let yourself grieve, but do not stay there. pick yourself up and let God handle the rest. He will show you your “why” in time. trust that His plan is the best plan – even though it hurts right now – one day, on the other side of this world, it will make sense. Merry Christmas everyone. I love you all. – Kristen

Matthew 4 – the temptation of Jesus Jesus had fasted for 40 days and 40 nights. He was hungry. The devil comes in and tries to use the human need for food against Him. Satan tells Jesus, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.” (Matthew 4:3) I imagine in that moment, the human in Jesus would have loved nothing more than 2 loaves of bread. 40 days is a long time to be hungry. But He knew what that bread offered Him was only temporary satisfaction at the cost of eternal condemnation. Jesus denied the temptation – He denied the tempter power over his immortality. He replied to Satan, “It is written. Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4) What I have noticed from reading this is a pattern. Satan showing up, convincing us that this thing of temporary satisfaction – whatever it might be – is worth it. That it will fix all of our problems and make us whole. It might – for a few minutes, maybe even a few hours. But the consequences that come after it are gonna hurt worse than that short period of relief felt. I wish my mom were here to vouch for that statement. I watched her so many times – hate herself for going off the rails, drinking, making poor decisions. It hurt me, it hurt us all, but I can’t imagine how much more it hurt her than anyone. I can vouch for that statement myself too. To an alcoholic – satan offers a few drinks to kill the pain of earthly sorrows. To a cheater – temporary distraction from the problem that is communication or a lack of effort in your marriage. To the greedy – more money for more earthly power. I would say without Satan’s ability to use distraction as a method of keeping us from God, then he has absolutely nothing. That is the only power he has over us. Temptation. The devil is cunning. He knows the your weaknesses. If you’re hurting, if you’re lonely, if you’re hungry – he is watching you. and he is waiting on the perfect oppurtunity to swoop in and snatch an enterity of happiness out from under your feet. But we are supernatural beings – we are children of God. With the power to overcome those temptations. The power to overcome the devil. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the tempation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 You are able. You are His. You are GOD strong. – Kristen Denton

Luke 12 is about Jesus telling his disciples to not be anxious but Jesus tells us that too. Anxiety is not unfamiliar to me or to many others also. We are an anxious breed. It’s hard to not worry about the things of the world. “Will I get that job?” “Will I be able to have children someday?” “What if another one of my family members die and I’m left with almost no one? How will I go on?” All of those things are earthy worries. Things that will not matter eventually; because everyone is going to die – including myself. And that job, or that relationship will not have gotten me any closer to my forever destination. It will have satisfied my earthly body, but it will make no difference on my immortal soul. At an event on Saturday, a man said something along the lines of, “We are supernatural beings trying to become satisfied in a natural world.” It. Doesn’t. Happen. Nothing will ever satisfy us fully. Nothing on this earth was ever created to satisfy us the way that Jesus can. Not the job or the money or the house or the perfect husband is going to cure us of the human desire for more. There will always be something more than we “need” or we want until we have Jesus – until we have heaven. But Jesus – he cures that desire. He cures that anxiety. He gives us hope for a future – where the earthly cards you were dealt mean absolutely nothing other than – despite everything – your faith and love preserved for Him. Stay faithful, friend. Keep your eyes where they belong. I love you. You’ve got this. Have a good week!

John 6:16-21 Jesus sends his disciples across the sea of Galilee in the dark. They obey – in doing so, they face pretty unsteady waters and were working HARD for little to no progress. It took them somewhere between 6 and 8 hours to get 3 or 4 miles into their 8 mile sail to their destination – Capernaum. They were angry. If I’m being honest, I probably would be too. I don’t have much patience (or physical stamina) and 8 hours is a long time. Obeying Jesus lead them there. In the middle of the sea of Galilee working their tails off, barely putting distance between them and the land they came from. Jesus had gone to a mountain alone to pray. They did not see Him, and did not expect Him to be around; but He was watching them. He saw them struggling, but He also saw them being obedient. Mark 6:48 – “He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them. Shortly before dawn he went out to them, walking on the lake.” Jesus, being the guy He is, stopped praying to come to their rescue. Right before the sun came up, He walks out on the water to meet them. The disciples see a man walking on water towards them in the middle of a storm. They were scared. Jesus gave them instructions to follow and went away. They were doing as they were told. The last person they were expecting was Jesus. But there He was. Jesus said to them, “It is I; Do not be afraid.” and they willingly accepted Him into the boat. (note He was not coming without acceptance) I imagine the disciples were pretty happy to see Him. If He wasn’t there to help them at least they could ask questions – but of course Jesus came to rescue them. As soon as they invited Him in their boat, they immediately arrived to the land in Capernaum. The sail was over. The struggle was over. I cannot speak for you, but for me – this hit home. It is not uncommon for God to call me into something that I am unsure of – like the disciples were called to sail across Galilee in the middle of the night. (a lake known for pretty intense winds at night) Last year I graduated x-ray school. Three weeks before graduation, I was offered a full time job at UMC, where I attended school for the past 2 years. I was comfortable with the hospital; but it was an hour and a half from my home – where I had grown up – all I had ever known. My mom had just passed away. My almost 9 year relationship had just ended. My best friend since 3rd grade had just been accepted into UMC’s Occupational Therapy program and needed a roommate. Everything in my life directed me to accepting that job and moving to Jackson – so I did. Yes, I was scared. I was uncomfortable. I was struggling. I still am. But this is where God called me to be. And even though I still have my days where I long to be down the road from my family or in the middle of a cutover watching the sun set – I know I am where I am supposed to be in this chapter of my life. I know I made the right decision moving here; yet, I am still battling some pretty intense winds from time to time. (adulting – ouch) This chapter of my life has introduced me to some of the most beautiful (and growing) experiences and people that will forever be a part of me and who I am – who I was meant to become and I could never be more thankful for that. Finding the beauty in the storm is hard – but keep looking. Jesus did not leave you. He sees you.

After I was saved I jumped both feet forward into ministry. Women poured into my inbox with questions about their marriages, questions about mine, about things that hurt them, about the people I had hurt and even about those that hurt me, and what I thought Jesus meant by it all. One girl, though, she was different than the others. She wanted to know why I believed what I believed. I wish that I remembered who it was or why her heart was hurting because now I feel more prepared to answer questions. I still remember the feeling of heat that made its way up my neck when I read her question and realized I didn’t have a very articulate answer. I gave her what I had. “Because things changed, and they haven’t changed back yet.” She asked what I meant, and I told her I wasn’t sure I could explain it. My heart was different. I wasn’t just broken over myself, even more so I hurt for people that I knew were like the girl I was only the day before. The girl that just knew she was going to heaven, but wasn’t… the girl that didn’t know she wouldn’t have “made it in” until she did. I told her I felt a heavy urgency to tell people about the things that won’t save them. More than anything else, I cried over that. I cried for the Matthew 7’s I knew. I told her that life had not given me many reasons to believe in good things, but I believed in this change because it wasn’t one I asked for or worked at, It was just one that showed up. She told me that this was probably the most honest answer she had ever received from a Christian, and that God must be real because she could feel that my answer was. “When Herod saw Jesus, he was very glad, for he had long desired to see him, because he had heard about him, and he was hoping to see some sign done by him. So he questioned him at some length, but he made no answer.” Luke 23:8-9 “But when He was accused. by the chief priests and elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate said to him, “Do you not hear how many things they testify against you?” But he gave no answer, not even a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed” Matthew 27:11-14 “He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers he did not open his mouth.” Isaiah 53:7 “He entered his headquarters again and said to Jesus, “Where are you from? But Jesus gave him no answer. So Pilate said to Him, “You will not speak to me? Do you not know that I have the authority to release you and the authority to crucify you? John 19:9-10 Why didn’t Jesus answer their questions? Why didn’t he tell them who He was, tell them where He was from, tell them what He was sent to do, tell them… anything in response to their assumptions, their accusations, or their actions? Because after Jesus cried out, committing His spirit, the Roman soldier praised God and proclaimed the Innocence of Jesus. (Luke 23:46-48) Because one of the two criminals recognized that Jesus was not only innocent, but the coming Kingdom of Christ. It was his dying wish that Jesus remember him too. (Luke 23:41-43) Even before the Gospel was the Gospel, even in the darkest hour, even right before and immediately after death claimed its momentary victory- No response was enough to tell of the character of Jesus for those who wanted to see it, for those desperate for it, and even for those that were just there as spectators. and then the tomb was empty, the news became good, and Christ is risen. Friends, No response is required; the Gospel is enough. The Gospel is enough when God hasn’t provided the sophisticated answers we wish we had. The why’s or the why nots, the when, and the hows. The Gospel is enough in our waiting. The Gospel is enough in our hurting. This Gospel is enough for us, but this is only half of the Good news. The Gospel is also enough for them. “Because things changed, and they haven’t changed back yet.” Honestly, I don’t suspect they will. Let me show you. Myers Briggs defines personalities by four pairs of opposite traits making up sixteen possible combinations. Using the non-dominant hand, write your name on a piece of paper. Consideration should be given to both time and effort as well the outcome. Now, applying the same considerations, write your name with your dominant hand. The purpose of the exercise demonstrates while we can do many things, some come naturally while others require more time, effort, and a fair amount of concomitant angst. We are who we are, and we can be other things… but it’s hard for us. A social media post from this week read this way “At 25, I’m the woman my 15 year old self would’ve loved to be in the company of” Because I’m not close to 25, excuse me while I age our example. I can tell you the 20 year old me would have laughed at me. She was a girl that still had a way with words, but she probably used them to make a clever rhyme about you to make you feel small. If you’ve known her for long enough, odds are you were either the nucleus of one such rhyme or asked her to make you one of your own about someone else. She was smart too, but she didn’t use it to help people, she used it to manipulate them. She was still honest, but handed words out with knives and not sincerity. She was not a good person, she did not do good things, and she hurt alot of people- some that probably could have used a bruised ego, but most of them that didn’t. We could argue that it was the miles of childhood trauma, the things she experienced, the things she lost, or the things she never had and with a short search of google scholar, probably have statistics to support it; but I bet if you asked her, she would probably tell you those didn’t make her who she was, just how fast she grew. She would also tell you she is still that girl- a way with words, smart, honest, still a sinner, just a saved sinner- its how she writes her name with her dominant hand. Her habits are different not because she has changed, her heart has. The Gospel was enough for her. There are people in your life right now that are talking about you. They don’t like you and they may not point but the do whisper. Maybe they don’t like you by association or maybe they don’t like you because of who you were before your habits changed like mine did. You’re too much for some people and not enough for others. Maybe they heard some things, and thought it would be rude to just ask you, so they just told other people what they heard instead. Some people will use your failures to elevate them selves, at work and in life too because in order for them to be good, that has to mean that you are bad. And sometimes it is because you have been bad, and for all the other times, it is really just about how the story is told, which pieces to leave out, which pieces to add, and which pieces to move around out of order to best position the one playing their character because, let’s face it, once you tell “your side” of the story thats all it really is anyway.. a story. People will miss out on important things in their own lives to intentionally try to hurt you in yours. They will do things to poke at you, and say things not because they are really true, but just in the off chance that, even for a moment, you may feel less-than. There’s also the chance they’ve told themselves all of these things so frequently that they are sure that the things they think and feel are true, but its all the same to you, right? whether they’re mean because it’s real for them or whether they’re grabbing at straws to just make you hurt. It still feels the same. Even still, God is rooting for their hearts. He is leaving us in vulnerable spaces just like the one I am pouring into before you now, fully expecting us to know that no response is required, fully expecting us to meet these adversaries with forgiveness, kindness, and love, fully expecting us to invite them into the kingdom with us today. no matter what. right now because people die from things not wrinkles every single day. If I share the trajectory of my dad’s life, I have just over three years left. How many years do you have left if you die at 36? Three years to mother my children into real human beings, three years to make a lifetime of memories with my spouse, three years left to reconcile with anyone I wouldn’t want to leave behind with things unsaid, three years left to make a difference. I’m a planner and a highly productive one…if I knew I only had three years left I could probably get some things done, but reality is any of you could wake up with my obituary plastered on your facebook news story before end of the week because I died in a car accident at the Mathiston, MS 4-way. Reality is, I could also wake up to yours. So many are still being ruled by our first heart, the one that sits on the throne of self, of entitlement, of validation. The pen- it is in the wrong hand. You won’t know what I am talking about until you do, but there is a recognizable shift- when the pen shifts from the hand that first picked it up to the one God made to hold it. There comes a time when it’s just different. Doing good feels different, doing bad feels different. The person is still in there, but the source changed. God has left us here, the 99 and He is chasing those hearts one at a time. Maybe He will claim victory over one of those hearts that are causing you pain, maybe even one that is causing mine, but until then- don’t give up on them. Pick up your cross, bind them up in your prayers, and keep straight the path for the Gospel to work.. Because. It. Works. The Gospel is Enough. For you. For them. For us. The Gospel never needed our defense; It needs our commitment.

After I was saved I jumped both feet forward into ministry. Women poured into my inbox with questions about their marriages, questions about mine, about things that hurt them, about the people I had hurt and even about those that hurt me, and what I thought Jesus meant by it all. One girl, though, she was different than the others. She wanted to know why I believed what I believed. I wish that I remembered who it was or why her heart was hurting because now I feel more prepared to answer questions. I still remember the feeling of heat that made its way up my neck when I read her question and realized I didn’t have a very articulate answer. I gave her what I had. “Because things changed, and they haven’t changed back yet.” She asked what I meant, and I told her I wasn’t sure I could explain it. My heart was different. I wasn’t just broken over myself, even more so I hurt for people that I knew were like the girl I was only the day before. The girl that just knew she was going to heaven, but wasn’t… the girl that didn’t know she wouldn’t have “made it in” until she did. I told her I felt a heavy urgency to tell people about the things that won’t save them. More than anything else, I cried over that. I cried for the Matthew 7’s I knew. I told her that life had not given me many reasons to believe in good things, but I believed in this change because it wasn’t one I asked for or worked at, It was just one that showed up. She told me that this was probably the most honest answer she had ever received from a Christian, and that God must be real because she could feel that my answer was. “When Herod saw Jesus, he was very glad, for he had long desired to see him, because he had heard about him, and he was hoping to see some sign done by him. So he questioned him at some length, but he made no answer.” Luke 23:8-9 “But when He was accused. by the chief priests and elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate said to him, “Do you not hear how many things they testify against you?” But he gave no answer, not even a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed” Matthew 27:11-14 “He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers he did not open his mouth.” Isaiah 53:7 “He entered his headquarters again and said to Jesus, “Where are you from? But Jesus gave him no answer. So Pilate said to Him, “You will not speak to me? Do you not know that I have the authority to release you and the authority to crucify you? John 19:9-10 Why didn’t Jesus answer their questions? Why didn’t he tell them who He was, tell them where He was from, tell them what He was sent to do, tell them… anything in response to their assumptions, their accusations, or their actions? Because after Jesus cried out, committing His spirit, the Roman soldier praised God and proclaimed the Innocence of Jesus. (Luke 23:46-48) Because one of the two criminals recognized that Jesus was not only innocent, but the coming Kingdom of Christ. It was his dying wish that Jesus remember him too. (Luke 23:41-43) Even before the Gospel was the Gospel, even in the darkest hour, even right before and immediately after death claimed its momentary victory- No response was enough to tell of the character of Jesus for those who wanted to see it, for those desperate for it, and even for those that were just there as spectators. and then the tomb was empty, the news became good, and Christ is risen. Friends, No response is required; the Gospel is enough. The Gospel is enough when God hasn’t provided the sophisticated answers we wish we had. The why’s or the why nots, the when, and the hows. The Gospel is enough in our waiting. The Gospel is enough in our hurting. This Gospel is enough for us, but this is only half of the Good news. The Gospel is also enough for them. “Because things changed, and they haven’t changed back yet.” Honestly, I don’t suspect they will. Let me show you. Myers Briggs defines personalities by four pairs of opposite traits making up sixteen possible combinations. Using the non-dominant hand, write your name on a piece of paper. Consideration should be given to both time and effort as well the outcome. Now, applying the same considerations, write your name with your dominant hand. The purpose of the exercise demonstrates while we can do many things, some come naturally while others require more time, effort, and a fair amount of concomitant angst. We are who we are, and we can be other things… but it’s hard for us. A social media post from this week read this way “At 25, I’m the woman my 15 year old self would’ve loved to be in the company of” Because I’m not close to 25, excuse me while I age our example. I can tell you the 20 year old me would have laughed at me. She was a girl that still had a way with words, but she probably used them to make a clever rhyme about you to make you feel small. If you’ve known her for long enough, odds are you were either the nucleus of one such rhyme or asked her to make you one of your own about someone else. She was smart too, but she didn’t use it to help people, she used it to manipulate them. She was still honest, but handed words out with knives and not sincerity. She was not a good person, she did not do good things, and she hurt alot of people- some that probably could have used a bruised ego, but most of them that didn’t. We could argue that it was the miles of childhood trauma, the things she experienced, the things she lost, or the things she never had and with a short search of google scholar, probably have statistics to support it; but I bet if you asked her, she would probably tell you those didn’t make her who she was, just how fast she grew. She would also tell you she is still that girl- a way with words, smart, honest, still a sinner, just a saved sinner- its how she writes her name with her dominant hand. Her habits are different not because she has changed, her heart has. The Gospel was enough for her. There are people in your life right now that are talking about you. They don’t like you and they may not point but the do whisper. Maybe they don’t like you by association or maybe they don’t like you because of who you were before your habits changed like mine did. You’re too much for some people and not enough for others. Maybe they heard some things, and thought it would be rude to just ask you, so they just told other people what they heard instead. Some people will use your failures to elevate them selves, at work and in life too because in order for them to be good, that has to mean that you are bad. And sometimes it is because you have been bad, and for all the other times, it is really just about how the story is told, which pieces to leave out, which pieces to add, and which pieces to move around out of order to best position the one playing their character because, let’s face it, once you tell “your side” of the story thats all it really is anyway.. a story. People will miss out on important things in their own lives to intentionally try to hurt you in yours. They will do things to poke at you, and say things not because they are really true, but just in the off chance that, even for a moment, you may feel less-than. There’s also the chance they’ve told themselves all of these things so frequently that they are sure that the things they think and feel are true, but its all the same to you, right? whether they’re mean because it’s real for them or whether they’re grabbing at straws to just make you hurt. It still feels the same. Even still, God is rooting for their hearts. He is leaving us in vulnerable spaces just like the one I am pouring into before you now, fully expecting us to know that no response is required, fully expecting us to meet these adversaries with forgiveness, kindness, and love, fully expecting us to invite them into the kingdom with us today. no matter what. right now because people die from things not wrinkles every single day. If I share the trajectory of my dad’s life, I have just over three years left. How many years do you have left if you die at 36? Three years to mother my children into real human beings, three years to make a lifetime of memories with my spouse, three years left to reconcile with anyone I wouldn’t want to leave behind with things unsaid, three years left to make a difference. I’m a planner and a highly productive one…if I knew I only had three years left I could probably get some things done, but reality is any of you could wake up with my obituary plastered on your facebook news story before end of the week because I died in a car accident at the Mathiston, MS 4-way. Reality is, I could also wake up to yours. So many are still being ruled by our first heart, the one that sits on the throne of self, of entitlement, of validation. The pen- it is in the wrong hand. You won’t know what I am talking about until you do, but there is a recognizable shift- when the pen shifts from the hand that first picked it up to the one God made to hold it. There comes a time when it’s just different. Doing good feels different, doing bad feels different. The person is still in there, but the source changed. God has left us here, the 99 and He is chasing those hearts one at a time. Maybe He will claim victory over one of those hearts that are causing you pain, maybe even one that is causing mine, but until then- don’t give up on them. Pick up your cross, bind them up in your prayers, and keep straight the path for the Gospel to work.. Because. It. Works. The Gospel is Enough. For you. For them. For us. The Gospel never needed our defense; It needs our commitment. #GodTiredMercyAngerReligiousRevengeRest #HiswillbrokenpiecesGodreligiontruthMessandmercy #Mercychristfollowerofchristproblemschristianbloggerjesusheisgood #Messandmercymessandmercywordshehealsbrokenessbrokentrustfaith

It probably hasn’t taken you all long to figure out that my reading/writing skills are 0 to none. I have never been a reader, for as long as I can remember – I’ve never liked to read. I hated reading so much, I was punished by it as a teenager. (i’m being serious) Andy grounded me once & took my phone. He told me once I finished reading Lord of the Rings and wrote a book report on it, he would give me my phone back. (still not sure how I got out of that one. i’m sure my mom got tired of me whining and told him a 500 page book about a dragon wasn’t gonna teach me why I shouldn’t lie to my parents.) I used that “I suck at reading comprehension” for a LONG time when it came to me reading my bible and understanding God’s word. I now realize that, “I don’t understand the bible” is not an excuse for not knowing God – it also didn’t cure my hunger for His word. I still don’t understand a lot of it on my own. I am constantly looking up words/cross references/explanations. Katie introduced me to the BLB app and it has been my best friend since. Today it helped me break down Matthew 13. When Jesus was speaking the parable of weeds. My first question was, “okay. what is a parable? i’ve seen this word a million times but what does it mean?” a parable is a story used to illustrate a spiritual lesson. earthly experiences to represent a spiritual idea. Jesus spoke in parables a lot – and it wasn’t by coincidence. He did it on purpose to hide the truth from those who were not willing to listen. The purpose of parables was to conceal the truth from those to lazy to understand it or too blinded by prejudice to see it. Yes understanding the bible is hard. It’s meant to be hard – being a christian is hard. We were never told it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. Insert said parable. The parable of the weeds: Matthew 13:24-30 A farmer planted seeds of wheat in his field, but while he slept the enemy came and planted weeds around them – so when the farmer came to tear the weeds out, the roots of the good seeds would be destroyed with it – leaving nothing salvageable. But the good farmer knew this. So he told his servants to leave the weeds to grow with the wheat, but come harvest time the weeds would be separated from the wheat and burned in the furnace. Beyond the surface of a story about an unfortunate farming situation, there is representation of our mortal lives. The earth is the field. God is the farmer. We are the the wheat. The corruption is the weeds. The furnace is hell. We live and grow amongst evil and corruption everyday. But God says we are worthy of salvaging. He lets us live and transpire fully into the version of ourselves we were put here to become – not allowing the evil that surrounds us to take us out and deprive us of serving our purpose. It’s so easy to get tangled in the weeds that evil throws into our field of wheat. Stay faithful to the God who endures the pain of watching evil grow and multiply in a place He created to be good and holy for the sake of our eternal souls. The very thing that we need to thrive in a field full of evil put there to tear us apart, is the bible. But more than it is the bible, it is your determination to know the bible. How bad you want you want a relationship with God. How much you strive to be like Jesus – who conquered the grave, despite all the evil He lived amongst, He lives.

the past few weeks of my life have felt so empty. if i could pinpoint the day it started – i would guess a few days after my baptism. maybe because i let some emotions in and uncovered some things about myself that i had not let myself deal with yet. traumas coming to light that i have stored for years of my life, revealing their self on what should be the happiest day of my life. maybe it’s the season, the month my mom passed. yesterday was my day to post on mess and mercy for sober october’s 31. i could not find the message. for the life of me, it just wasn’t there. i felt so burdened by this piece of my life i have been called into. “i am exhausted. i do not have the energy to pour into anything. not myself, not my relationship – with anyone, including God.” i texted katie, “i have nothing.” she responded, “i do.” i have no reason to be emotionally, spiritually, and physically exhausted. i have everything going for me. everything i have asked God for in this season of my life, He has made it mine. which makes me feel all the more guilty that i don’t feel whole. yesterday i got home from work, let my dogs out, sat at our patio table, and cried my eyes out. i gathered myself just long enough to watch mason (literally my saving grace & everything i’ve ever prayed for) play with our two dogs in the back yard at my favorite time of the day – dusk. and as i watched them, i knew i should feel some peace, some happiness, some SOMETHING. but i didn’t. i have always said i would know i had made it in life when i got to watch the perfect man play with my perfect children (granted those children are furry and four-legged for now) in the front yard of a beautiful life – my life. que the water works. i was witnessing everything i’ve ever wanted and it broke my heart in a thousand pieces because i didn’t feel anything. i confided in katie again. i knew she had been there. i have heard her story. a lot of you have heard it also. & she sent sent me this: there is a lot here. and i encourage you all to read it. but what stuck out to me more than anything is “confusion is God confronting you with your calling – if you’re uncomfortable – you better believe it’s on purpose. it’s yours.” my baptism was the beginning of my calling – but it was also the beginning of my unsteadiness. i was called to publicly commit my life to God, so that i could confess everything He‘s done for me in the midst of everything awful i’ve been through – to testify that God is still God and He is still good. He is still pursuing me and He is still testing me. what a blessing in disguise. comfort is the enemy of growth.

Now when Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus was making and baptizing more disciples than John, although Jesus himself did not baptize but only his disciples, so he left Judea and departed again for Galilee . When I opened my Bible and realized that I was looking at John chapter 4, after the day I had I wasn’t sure that I was emotionally prepared to hack, through that piece of scripture. John chapter 4 is the story of the woman and the well. Reading that story yesterday would’ve made me come face-to-face with how dependent I have to be on God, how much He seeks to give me something that lasts longer, while I am only looking to get through the next day, to a place of honesty, and a new place of repentance- a place we should start over at every day, but are sometimes too busy to consider. thankfully, i think, he stopped me here instead. The people were insulted because they thought that Jesus was doing wrong by John. Let us consider two things here: The Bible tells us they had wrong information They wouldn’t know the truth until after they had slain it. As my sister and I begin to walk through the next 31 days with you and what will be now Sober October, you’ve had time, maybe not with Kristen, but certainly with me to draw some conclusions about our Mom In case I have not been clear before, day three is the assure you of three things: You are in recovery too. There is a difference between perception and reality. Truth is made up of more than what you hear or see. (to come) Within the last week my husband asked me if I knew what my first real memory was. I did, of course. My mom and I were driving up the steep hill of my first home in her purple, dodge intrepid. it was early and the backseat was stacked so full with clothes that the only space that was left between them and the rearview glass was just enough for my cat Easter bunny to sit. We had to leave home again because it wasn’t safe and we were returning. She was crying and I was angry. I can’t tell you how many times before that we had left, but it was enough for them to have been divorced once and also remarried. I also can’t tell you how many times we would leave after that only to go back once more with a new promise that things would be different this time, and that I would be OK. what I can say with certainty is that she desperately wanted her family to work, that or she was too scared for her life for it not to. I can tell you that she grew up hurting, was put in unfair only-for-adult type situations, also had leave home a lot, returning with the same expectations and promises that I had, and that she had an alcoholic parent too. I can tell you that she thought a marriage with my dad was her first opportunity to have a real family, one that no one could disrupt or disbar, but finally one of her own. I would suppose that she felt the same way the second time she married my dad, too. First it was control, and then it was hollering and hollering turn to pushing, and sometimes pushing got a little out of hand, if the fear didnt grow the fights did. We would leave to stay with cousins, with more cousins, and even a shelter once. Even with the same parents Kristen and I have entirely different stories, one probably not worse than the other. She used to be mad because I had my own room and she shared hers, but what she didn’t know is i had to share my room too- just not with kids. Im not even sure she knows that sometimes I would climb out of my window to make sure she and the others didn’t have to share their room with that man in the middle of the night too. Kristen loved our Mom and she loved our Dad and I did too but more than anything else I loved her. and then I loved myself because you couldn’t have convinced me that I consistently had anyone else except my Grace. As I sit here in my chair at my sons football game in the town that is home for now, there isn’t a chair within three arms length of me on either side. My mom would drive an hour or more one way just to sit with me through some of the thick air. Her mom couldn’t come sit with her all those times but it never stopped her from showing up- whether I wanted her there or not, whether I was going to forgive her or not, whether I spoke to her or not. Mom, I know the reasons why you drank; I don’t anyone to have the wrong information. The Bible says “even though Jesus only baptized His disciples”. You may have thought recovery was only for the addict, but I pray you are in recovery too. I pray that you recognize how short you fall, even when you are the one in the argument that is most right. That you seek ways to grow your heart into more Holy spaces, and at the very least bend that way when God pulls you through them any way. We assume we know the answers to so many things. Even now as you read, you are adding detail to these words- its why the book is always better. You convince yourself that even if you were there, even if you saw it yourself- its the whole truth. The first thing my son drew me after Mom died was a rainbow, and I’ve never held so close to a promise or colors in a sky since because I know it was Haisten that started her path to recovery, and also real salvation. Do you want to know something about a Rainbow? The entire rainbow of radiation observable to the human eye only makes up a tiny portion of the electromagnetic spectrum – about 0.0035 percent. This range of wavelengths is know as visible light. Less that 1% of that huge display of color in the sky is what you are able to see. Consider that when you want to add your own color to other partially painted pictures. Here’s number 3- I’m sure these religious leaders knew they were telling the truth- when they were just looking out for John the Baptist. I have to believe that they were also sure the day the put the savior of the entire world on the cross to die an unworthy death. It wasn’t until the third day, the resurrection revealed the ultimate truth. It is the same one I offer you today, day three of Sober October. Even with the purest of intentions, without even a quiver of assumption, accusation, and all other things awful- we miss the mark. The prison and the pew miss it. The pulpit and the Party. Your pastor and yourself. But because of day three, we are able to wrap ourselves in blanket of hope, in a promise so big that we can only visibly take in 0.0035 percent. Because He lives, we have an opportunity to surrender to, die for, and be resurrected with Christ- the one that knew they had the wrong information, and with all truth and knowledge, just continued on to Galilee, walking towards His purpose, one that would afford you and I the same chance to choose a path of purpose instead of one of pride, and the same purpose that would allow him to love us even when we choose the wrong one. Father, I pray for those in recovery. That you would touch their lives in a way that will make them feel known, loved, and unashamed. That there are verses after these that tell of the rescue of a promiscuous woman, selected by you, after confronting her with every wrong thing she had done, to go and tell. More than that I pray for the one reading these words that feel nothing. Those that can come face to face with the good news of day three with more of a desire to talk about what they read than what it could mean for their eternity. God, I pray for me. That tonight when my kids are asleep, the rest of my emails are answered, and it is time for me to move away from these verses head first into the verses I was fortunate enough to avoid last night- that you would stir all the more in my heart. That I could set aside all of the things that feel uncertain, overwhelming, and even unfair God and see that you are bigger and that your word still stands. I thirst for more than being thirsty again. You came that we may drink and never thirst again. May we lay aside every stone building the walls between us and you, whether of substance or of self, and walk the other way towards the call you laid on each of our lives. Let us stay sober, #Recovery #SoberOctober #FruitNotFate #ResurrectionPower #DayThree

How many times have you wanted to do something or been told to do something and thought to yourself, “lol. no shot”? I can’t count the times I have. At least twice in the past 24 hours. One was when I knew I had to get up early and be functional and social for a good 12 hours after getting only 5 hours of sleep the night before. The second was last night when Katie texted me, “I think we should do sober October – one post a day until podcast day.” (SUPRISE: our first podcast together will be recorded on Halloween – a significant date in our lives for a reason that doesn’t include monsters and candy.) My first thought was, “Whew. I just started this and I still have no idea what I’m doing. You think I’m ready for 31 posts? No shot.” but my reply was that’s “let’s do it.” I am no stranger to self doubt. I doubt myself often, and I know that’s relatable to many others also because I see it way too often from people I know and love. Someone else who was familiar with self doubt is Abraham’s wife, Sarah. In Genesis 17 God tells Abraham that he will have a child with Sarah. Abraham was 100 years old at this point, and Sarah was 90 – So Abraham laughed and questioned God. Sarah overheard the conversation & also laughed about it – thinking “no shot” I am too old to have a child. Sarah and Abraham both believed they were too old to give birth, but God said they would have Isaac. (& they did) I imagine God was pretty taken back when they laughed at God’s promise about her bearing a child. He asked why they laughed at him. “Is anything too hard? For the Lord?” Sarah denied it saying she didn’t laugh & God said, “No, but you did laugh.” Anyone feeling convicted yet? I am. 2 times in the last 24 hours and hundreds of times before have I thought “no shot.” Little seeds of doubt planted by Satan himself telling me, “Kristen. Be real, there’s no way you can do that.” I thought I wouldn’t have a good time yesterday, but I went; and it ended up being such a great day. By the grace of God, I actually felt pretty good throughout the whole day – which is not usual for me when I don’t get enough sleep the night before. Had I listened to those little voices from Satan, I would’ve missed out on quality time with people I love and some pretty amazing views. Had I made up some excuse of why I couldn’t commit to 31 days of sharing Jesus, Satan would’ve won. Had I listened to all those little seeds of doubt he tried to plant in my mind, “but you’re gonna have to work, and you’re gonna be tired, what if your computer crashes again, is this something you really want to start your journey in ministry with – making a commitment and not following through with it?” If I hadn’t believed in myself and what I am capable of with God by my side, for a split second, I would be missing the opportunity to grow in this brand new journey of my life. Sarah thought Jesus did not see her doubt him and laugh. But He saw it. He sees us doubt ourselves on a daily basis, and He is taken back by it. Because if Jesus lives in us and we don’t think we are capable, He says, “Is anything too hard? For the Lord?” The answer is no. If you don’t think you are capable of something, ask yourself – “Is God?” and then ask yourself, “Who lives in me?” “Who’s breath do I breathe?” Don’t forget who you are or whose you are. God defeated the devil once, and every time you disregard those little seeds of self doubt, He does it again. So I am making a commitment to 31 days with you guys, and I am excited. Because I know on the days I don’t feel capable or driven enough, God will intervene because nothing is too hard for Him – & He lives in me. #armorofgodstudymessandmercyfaithtrusthopehisplanactivefaith #ChristLightInthewordMadeNewTrustUnfailingLovegracemercyshame

Yesterday I was eating lunch with a friend when I got a text from my sister. I opened it, expecting something significantly small and random, but SURPRISE. It was my very own login for mess and mercy ministries – she gifted me permanent access to the website she has built and grown over the past 5 years sharing her testimony, His messages, and her love for our God and what He has done for her. Allow me to introduce myself and what He has done for me. I am Kristen, Katie’s little sister. You’re probably thinking, “Okay. Katie’s sister… they’re probably a lot alike and she has a natural talent for this sort of thing.” But boy, are you wrong. I am not a writer in any sense at all. Here you will see many flaws, misspells, typos, and grammatical errors; but God didn’t ask me to be a good writer, He asked me to share my story. So here it is. I don’t have a day, hour, or minute I was saved like Katie and many others do. I’ve “known” God for as long as I can remember. Was I the perfect christian for as long as I can remember? Absolutely not. I still am not. I am a regular human, who sins regularly, as I always have. But over the past year especially, my relationship with God has shifted in a way I can’t really explain – but I will do my best. Last Sunday, September 18th, I was baptized. Leading up to this I was filling out forms for Pinelake’s Identify event that they do every year. I was being asked all the questions: “when were you saved?” “how has your life been changed since?” & the answers to these questions were hard to say because I felt like my answer was not like anyone else’s and to be frank, it sounds pretty dark, but then I remembered God never said that becoming saved would be easy or comfortable. It is supposed to be uncomfortable. So I answered, “When my mom died.” When I lost my mom everything changed for me. I was so angry at God, and the more I pushed Him away, the more He actively pursued me – giving me signs left and right that this was His will and it was going to serve a purpose. Weeks before my mom’s death I recalled (for the first time in years) a dream my great aunt had a few months after my dad passed away. She said my dad came to her & told her that my mom was going to drink and drive and it would cost her either my life or her life – he did not know which it would be. Of course, this thought stayed with me for months after hearing it. I talked to my grandmother (her name was Grace – you will hear it again at some point) about what was sure to be my first taste of anxiety. I lived in fear every day that my mom was going to die, just months after I had lost my dad. She explained how differently time is in heaven. “One day there could be years of time on earth, time is not measured the same on the other side. This could happen 15 years from now or not at all because there’s plenty of time for things to change between now and then.” So I felt better, for a while. I didn’t think about it again much, until a few weeks before her accident. I told the story to friends and even mentioned it to my sister literally days before our mom’s death. God was preparing me for something that was going to hurt. Fast forward to 7 days before she died. She drank & drove. She called me to come get her after she got pulled over. Once I got there, the officer asked to speak to me for a minute. We had a short heart to heart about my mom & how this had effected me & for how long it went on. At the end of that conversation he told me, “I don’t know what it was, but something in my heart told me to see if someone could come get her instead of my other option.” (his other option would have been to take her to jail & give her a third DUI – a felony charge – which would have landed her in prison for the next 5 years. This is the one God gave me that I’m still trying to make sense of. Maybe it gave me one last time to express to her my fear of losing her (and i did). The anger and also the sympathy I felt for her that night – topped all the other times I had felt those feelings. It was different. But one thing is for sure, “that feeling in his heart” he had about letting her call me, was God. The day of her death, we spoke on the phone that afternoon. She was being hard on herself. I can only image the way she was feeling knowing she had hurt those she loved yet again. I was trying to help her work through some of those feelings, offer forgiveness, an ear, and encourage her to swallow her pride & have the conversations she (& everyone else) needed to move past this and for her to become sober again – but most importantly become okay again. She drove home from work and posted on facebook the song “Lord, I Need You” by Matt Maher. Give it a listen. The next morning, I woke up to my sister sitting on my bed with swollen eyes and she didn’t have to say a word. I knew what she was about to say to me. My world fell apart. But this is the part where God started putting it back together… We found a journal on my mom’s coffee table, that she wrote in often. & the last page that was written on dated 10/31/20. It expressed the weariness of her heart – how bad she was hurting – and how much she “needed God to save her now, more than she ever had.” little did she know, He would save her just hours later. When she took her last breath, God gave her the healing she had longed for. All of those burdens were lifted. All of her pain was gone. Selfishly, that was the hardest pill for me to swallow. I wished there could have been any other result – & any other one I could’ve accepted. But the one He gave, I could not accept it. Not for a while atleast. *insert change of perspective* Days after her funeral, my sister did a bible give away – she has written about this as well. She had done several before, and of course – they were significant. But this one was hard for her. The morning of her drawing, she said her heart was so heavy bc she knew that the person who would receive that bible, needed it to change them. She drew my name as the winner and her heart sank to her feet when she read the name Kristen. My sister had been on a 7 day fast – one where she prayed for my mom to be healed. She prayed for a pivotal moment that would change things for our mom so we all could start the process of healing – healing our relationships with her, her relationships with herself, her grandchildren. God had answered her prayers – not in the way we were hoping for of course. But in a way that she would never have to fight those urges and never suffer those feelings of self pity and self hate ever again. Katie was eating her first meal when she got the call about my mom and she knew God answered those prayers. God had given me all of these things, all of these signs, and had He not, I would not be writing this 14 page series of how it saved my life. It took me weeks to let those things sink in – for me to realize it was God reaching out his hand begging me to take it so he could transform me into who I am meant to be. But after I did, I realized all the grief I was drowning in had to be laid down at the feet of our Father. I had to let it go and accept it for what it was. So I did, and in that, my grief was transformed into determination to not let my mom’s death be wasted – I was and still am determined to make it mean something. I was given the motivation I needed to dive into that bible I won from my sisters give away and get to know the Jesus who answers prayers, heals us, and gives us eternal life with no pain and no grief. God does not put us through storms to hurt us, but to use us. It’s just a matter of letting Him. I walked through my very own version of a living Hell, but when I made it through that storm – there was God telling me I was ready to grow into the person He created me to be. I don’t know where He is taking me from here, but I know being a part of Mess and Mercy Ministries is a start of my journey and I am so excited to walk into this chapter of my life with all of you. I have a lot of learning to go, but I am so lucky and so honored to have the opportunity to use Mess and Mercy to share my journey & my Jesus with all of you. Until next time,

My son confessed something to my husband today. “Neal, when I see people throw up, I gag.” He’s not lying. It’s true. Once, when he was a little boy, a stomach bug had invaded our home. As I was leaning into dark spaces throwing up my toenails, a little white-headed boy was behind me with quite the ferocious gag, “are you okay, Mama? *gag* I sick too, Mama. I sick, too.” He wasn’t. He just didn’t have the capacity to know that staying was making him sick. We laugh about this often. When my husband told me what he said today, he was confused when he was met with tears instead of laughter. I told him he had given me a ten-piece. In case you didn’t already know, we weigh God’s favor, His nudges, in chicken nuggets at our home. God will give you a nugget at a time usually, just enough to keep you on the right path, and when you need it most, He will give you a ten-piece, something to sustain on the next rocky road. It is not foreign for me to journal. One of the very first things I learned as a Christian was that I was who God said I was, not people. If you dug and scratched enough, you could all the words explaining that message, but know it is where me and God started, and where we meet one another frequently. Over the last few weeks, my journal scribbles have looked a little like this: “My people matter more than my feelings” “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” Philippians 2:4 Posture over performance, right? What if they were wrong… what if they were right? “Behold you delight in the truth that lives on the inside- and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart” Psalm 51:6 My strength is that I am bold; My weakness is that I am bold. “My grace is sufficient for you- my power is made perfect in weakness. so I’ll boast in my shortcomings so the power of Christ will rest on me” 2 Corinthians 12:9 You don’t get to decide. You get to obey. “Tremble and do not sin; meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah” Psalm 4:4 There is a time for whispers; there is a time for flames. Figure it out. “He makes his angels winds, and his ministers a flame of fire” Hebrews 1: 7 I think I may be an empath. I don’t know if that is a diagnosis or a category we are destined for but I feel everything. I read the ora of a room. I read into the things you say, and also the things you haven’t said. I also analyze those things and every scenario they could possibly touch and find solutions for them all. I’m the quiet person in the crowd because I’m observing. I used to think I was an introvert, and heck, maybe I am, but more than that, I think I’m just authentic. I don’t mean to not care about your bargain shoes or the neighbor’s cat, but I’d rather just care about you. I look for the things you are good at, I look for your weaknesses- not to exploit them, but to be able to have real conversations because I have lots of weaknesses too and God has helped me a lot. I need to know you because well, He can help you, too. When you meet me, and we have real conversations, not just the fake ones I analyze and resolve in my head, Ive always prayed that you feel that little bite of “something” that is just a little bit “different” about me, that you can feels God’s presence standing over the unperfect vessell that I am because Lord knows I do not always walk out the Gospel, but I care deeply for it. and I really hate that, but it’s true. Over some time, some as recent as the last few weeks, I’ve been told the way I deliver a word from God makes people uncomfortable. I’ve been scored as ‘unacceptable’ and ‘inconsistent’. Told that I freely offer grace and mercy to everyone except such-and-such, that one day people are going to learn who I really am and not who I post to be, that people see me as belittling. That I cannot communicate, I’m not an effective teacher, and I lack self-awareness. Ive even been told I am a very quick processor of information- too quick. You see, I’ve never offered the “this is just who I am” kind of girl. I’m the “Naw, sit down and just let me have it type”. I want to know because I want to correct. To some of my friends, if you’re standing, please sit down. I desperately want to be accepted, to fit in. i know- I don’t get it either. It could likely be traced to some kind of childhood trauma. I won’t take the time to dispute any of these things people have said, but I will tell you I’ve considered them all- Every single one of them, regardless of the source, friend or foe, I’ve considered quickly (processor), thoroughly (every single scenario), and with absolute sincerity. I feel a lot so I write a lot. I have to visually see what my feelings look like and I attack them with scripture. Sometimes I am met with peace and others I am met with convictions, but the important thing is to know that God meets me. Every time I call out and every time I don’t, every prayer, every not-prayer He has been faithful. Ive learned to never seek answers but instead truths. lies are the enemy’s greatest tool. Well, lies and religion, but that’s another topic for another day. I had a divine appointment today. I didn’t schedule it. Talking with a dear friend today, I was discussing a story in 2nd Kings. As I spoke pieces of the story over our ride, chills lept to my arms and I knew God had scheduled something for me. He was calling to confirm. “Yes, God. I’ll be there.” Not five minutes after walking through the door, I’m met with this story of my son and the collision results in tears. “Yes, God. I understand.” (I thought) What could this have to do with that story? 2nd Kings Chapter 6- First things first: I analyze the numeric because I’m a nerd like that. six- the day man was created; signifies imperfection Syria was warring with Israel and every time Syria was getting ready to make a move, Israel was tipped off. The King of Syria thought there was a mole, but was assured by his people that this was not true. There was a man of God, a prophet (a proclaimer of the will of God), named Elisha that had the King of Israel’s ear. Elisha’s discernment had protected the king “more than once or twice”. This shifted the target. The Syrian King no longer sought Israel, but its protector. He sent horses, chariots, and a great army to surround Elisha. Elisha’s servant wakes up, sees, and basically says aye boss, what are we going to do here? “Do not be afraid, for those who are with us are more than those who are with them. Then Elisha prayed that THE SERVANTS eyes be opened that he may see” and this is amazing… but stay with me just a bit further. The spiritual reveal is present to the servant and he understands. Elisha prays that the enemy is blinded, leads them into a compromised place, and prays again for the Lord to let them see. and they did. They saw they were in a place of compromise. So did Israel’s King. Enthusiastically, the scripture says as soon as he saw them, the King asked Elisha, “Should I kill them?” “Should I kill them?” and Elisha said No. Prepare a feast. Can we consider that for just a moment? I’m often told, “Katie, it is your delivery” and honestly, it usually is. My friends are smiling while I speak lightly here, but bear with me while I shift gears for a second- please be sure in this particular instance: My tone is tight, my delivery here is with intent, and if you are not uncomfortable after reading this, be confident that you read it wrong and then read it again: You cannot be overjoyed when anyone’s vulnerabilities are exposed. You do not get to be arrogant when God is on your side; You do get to be grateful. You do not execute your enemies- you find the capacity to feed them. God’s plan is to facilitate a message, not to win with one. Scripture is absolutely a weapon, but one for spiritual warfare and not one to light and lob at one another. “Are you okay, Mama. I sick too *gag*; I sick too” All this time I was certain that my son didn’t have the capacity at such a young age to understand that staying with me was making him sick, but I was pressed by the Lord to consider an alternative tonight. That he knew and stayed anyway. I’ve told you a few things about me, but let me tell you some about Haisten. I’m excited to see what God uses him for because he is so kind. He reads the room too, and he knows when you need that hug… and those hugs- they are magical. He can make you feel the greatest peace even in the immediate midst of some of your greatest failures. But I’ve seen him be rotten. I’ve seen him be mean, be selfish, and I’ve even seen him act with completely unacceptable behavior and immediately make the “right” adjustments when he realized his parent was watching. I’ve watched him make mistakes; I’ll watch him make more, but I’d bet with any piece of me that it will not disqualify him. His gifts will still make a difference, and his ministry, whatever that looks like will still matter because this is the Gospel. We are on mission, Friends. We are on mission, Foes. and it is not one of our own, but one we are called to through the power and authority freely given to us through the blood of Jesus Christ, our risen Savior. You will do things, and some will be good. You will do things, and some will be bad. People will say things, and some things will be true. People will say things, and some won’t be. But the Bible is weaved with stories of brokenness, manifesting in all different flavors- addiction, adultery, murder, prostitution, liars, manipulators- maybe even some of the same flavors as yours- and God used them all. He will not waste you. Haisten was right, he was sick too. We all are. Here are some key take aways from this passage: Elisha helped his king, and that put a target on his back- the enemy seeks to destroy and extinguishing the most faithful will always be a priority. When the enemy came for Elisha, Elisha not only didn’t have fear, he stood boldly with his tribe and prayed that THEY would see, too, their protection. He had faith, he prayed that others could too, and He stood in it. God did, in fact, protect him. He even handed the enemy over- compromised. The Bible does not say how Elijah feels in this moment. Maybe he was an empath too. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he journaled and somewhere scribbled on some thing we can find all archaically his feelings of bitterness, of self contained fear, of frustration as to why these people were chasing him. What the Bible does tell us, though, is in a place of extreme vulnerability Elisha chose love. This tells us a lot about this prophet, about his heart for the Lord, but let it serve also as an open invitation for us. Pressed with the same feelings, the same fears, and the same opposition… what do we choose? how do we choose better? Father, I have a million words, and I also have none. My prayer is simple- that we would filter it all through your word and objectively consider it. That we would apply your peace and also your convictions and make necessary changes. God, we are sorry for any misrepresentation of who you are or what you stand for, but God, we are thankful that you knew of all of these things and that no error means no blood, and no blood would be no salvation. God, I accept your sacrifice and all of the responsibility that comes with it. May your gospel shine through our sin, and our response be of surrender and not of shame. Give us the capacity and give it for your glory and not our own. Thank you, God, for new mercies every morning, for second chances and seventh ones. Thank you, God, for you. Be it so, So be it